Pardon me while I push this boulder uphill
Raging against the machine can make one feel a bit like Sisyphus.
I have a confession to make to all of you…I have never known when to stop fighting. Yes, it’s true. I have never known when to surrender, capitulate, concede. In many ways, this has served me well in my life because for much of my life I did not believe in no-win scenarios, just not-tried hard enough or not-considered enough options scenarios. But in other situations, it has resulted in my raging against a machine that, frankly, didn’t need to be raged against. In fact, at times, I may (or may not) have raged against machine that was not even there. The latter feels like running as fast as you can to reach a destination only to realize that you were actually on a treadmill and no matter how fast or slow you run you get off at the EXACT. SAME. PLACE. The Greeks really were wise as they figured this out a long time ago and summarized it in, “The Myth of Sisyphus.” Growing older and realizing that there are indeed no-win scenarios (or at least redefining what winning means) and years of self-work have helped me manage this innate tendency. Some of the tools I’ve employed to manage this are practices such as meditation, exercise, and painting watercolors, but the past few weeks have been a losing battle against this ingrained behavior, and
I have felt a lot like Sisyphus pushing a boulder uphill only to watch it roll to the bottom again just as I believe I’ve reached the summit.
It started with taking my older son, Zachary, to college orientation, a couple of weeks ago. High Point University knows how to put on an amazing shindig, and this was no exception. We loved every minute of it. But lingering in the back of my mind as the biggest killjoy ever was the knowledge that this amazing human being, who was once my teeny tiny baby boy, is now an adult and would be leaving me shortly to live in another state. If we are truly honest with ourselves, we’ll only be seeing him a handful of times during the school year {Cue DRAMATIC SIGH}.
Zachary, Golf Enthusiast
Being the ever-dutiful parent, I also encouraged him to find a job while we were in North Carolina for orientation since many of the local college-age students would be leaving for their schools at the end of summer break and the students for his school wouldn’t be moving in until the weekend of August 19. He is going to major in Sales so we thought a job that allowed for networking would be ideal. He applied to two local country clubs and was offered positions at both. It turns out the club where he accepted his role is hosting a PGA event and needs him to start end of July so he will be moving up to North Carolina THREE. WEEKS. EARLY. And to make it even more difficult, he will be moving while my younger son and I are away at Disney. So, I won’t even be there to say goodbye.
At the same time, to exacerbate the pain of this transition, my younger son, Josh, started his first job. He loves his job and has been signing up for extra shifts every chance he gets so he can proudly serve friends, family, neighbors and strangers alike with profound professionalism and respect. I’m incredibly proud of him. But, it all feels…well…so adult {Cue second DRAMATIC SIGH}.
With all this going on, all of my well-honed practices to remain tranquil fell by the wayside, and I quickly reverted to my natural tendency to get a lot of stuff done in record time. I was raging hard against the machine…perhaps in hyperdrive… working with Zach to ensure he had every possible scenario for school covered. This included a first aid kid that would work on Mt. Everest because, hey, you never know when he might be the only person who can help with an abrasion or contusion within 50 miles of the some of the greatest hospitals in our country {Cue CLUELESS SHRUG}.
Josh ready to take your order
I was in rare form until a couple days after college orientation, I started feeling rather fatigued, then a sore throat hit and finally a temperature that would not go down. I knew exactly what it was as this was my third round. COVID was back. Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. Despite spending the first couple of days trying to push through, I realized
My only choice was complete surrender.
I went from full speed to full stop in about one second flat. And, as I laid there on my couch, capitulated to my fate, something strange happened. I went from having no time to talk as we busily buzzed from one activity to the next to watching shows with my husband and boys, having great conversations, and realizing that none of that other stuff really needed to be done because indeed they have stores in North Carolina too, and my mother does live 10 minutes from the school.
Definition of surrender in Mirriam-Webster Dictionary:
sur·ren·der | \ sə-ˈren-dər \
a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand
b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
You see, surrender is not always about losing (Definition a)… sometimes it’s about yielding to a better alternative (Definition b) and in so doing, freeing up time to do what really matters and spending time with the people that you most value. There are so many implications for this at work and in life. When I am at my best, I am practicing mindfulness, taking time to breathe, stretch, exercise, and even paint watercolors to celebrate the world around me. When I am at my worst, I am in full-steam-ahead, take-no-prisoners, get-‘er-done mode. The inflection between these two can be as simple as 5 minutes of meditation to calm my mind and body so I can make better decisions.
Hamming it up for a selfie at HPU.
Like me, are you someone whose natural tendency is to rage against the machine under stress, instead, are you someone who withdraws, or are you someone who becomes over-accommodating to others under pressure? Deep personality research done by Industrial/Organizational Psychologists at The Hogan Institute show that we will all do one of the three of these under stress and, while we may do a combination of these, one will be dominant. One of the keys to avoiding these behaviors is to develop awareness of our tendencies under stress and then to pause before we react. I work with a lot of my clients to identify their tendencies at their best and under pressure and to determine plans to ensure they operate more in the former than the latter. I have spent years working on myself but, like most of mankind, am a work in progress too and sometimes need nature to give me a push to remember to pause, take a breath and enjoy the present. After all,
