Letting Go is Not My Superpower

Hug the parent-of-the-graduate next to you; they are not okay. Well, maybe they are, but I am not. I am trying hard to fake it right now, but it is hard to watch my baby boy getting ready for college.  In reality, I am a study in cognitive dissonance. 

Zach’s first Day at Tesla

Zach working with my husband, Brad.

On the plus side, I really am excited that he is going to his top choice school (ROLL POINT!), and that it is conveniently just 10 minutes from my mom’s house in High Point, NC. I am also over the moon that he has just started a summer internship as a Seasonal Sales Advisor at Tesla.  Zachary plans to major in Sales and this will be a wonderful steppingstone to the career of his dreams. He has proudly founded three small businesses and is laser focused on what he wants to accomplish in school. 

On the downside, even though he is a full-grown 18-year-old and has been the most mature person in our family for quite some time, I still look at him and see the tiny little boy in an orange and white striped shirt getting on the school bus to go to his first day of kindergarten.  We spend a lot of time together as a family, and the thought of him not being here every day is hard to wrap my head around.

Zachary, August 2008

Actual first day of kindergarten picture.

I took a 2.5 day training course last week for certification on Human Synergistics’ Lifestyles Inventory (LSI) and Leadership Workstyles (LWS). This tool is used in coaching to help executives with development by identifying areas of efficiency and also areas where leaders could be more efficient in terms of thinking and behaviors.  In preparation for the class, eleven kind souls and I completed an assessment about my constructive thinking and behavioral styles. Our assessments very much aligned with my profile exhibiting a strong tendency for humanistic/encouraging and affiliative styles (meaning, I really enjoy working on teams, developing others, seeing the best in others, helping people accomplish their goals, and getting to know people on a very real level) with a less-effective penchant for being competitive. I imagine a few of you who know me particularly well chuckling as you read that last part, after all, if you are running on the treadmill next to me, don’t kid yourself, we are racing.

Back to the topic at hand, as I tap into my skills as Self-as-Coach and look at this profile, I realize it’s no wonder letting go is not my superpower.  In executive coaching we often say that your developmental areas are more often than not your greatest strengths taken to an extreme. I just plain love people. I mean it. I love people just as they are not despite who they are.  I love people for the massive spaghetti-like-twisted-knot of strengths, flaws, idiosyncrasies, and ooey-gooey-messy emotions. I feel so very privileged when people are willing to share their hearts with me. All of this is what makes each of us so beautifully human.  

In three different business meetings last week the concept of strengths-based leadership came up. This is not a new concept but one that is worth a reminder.  High performing teams allow people to bring their greatest strengths to the table instead of asking people to constantly work on improving their weakest areas. For example, asking me to sit alone all the time working on a detailed spreadsheet would not be the greatest use of my strong interpersonal skills given my profile.  

Zachary P. Williams

Future High-Performing Sales Leader (BTW He’ll be looking for an internship next summer, if any of you are looking for an intern)

Zachary has a lot of superpowers but amongst his greatest is his ability to read people.  This is one of the reasons why I think he will be so good at sales. He has incredible intuition.  It’s almost scary. I’m sure on the Hogan Personality Inventory he would come out very high on Interpersonal Sensitivity.  I remember when he was about a year old, he was sitting in my lap playing while I was watching the evening news and a story moved me to tears.  Even though Zachary could not understand the story and had a very limited vocabulary, he could feel my emotions, so he turned to me and held my face.  He looked deeply in my eyes and held my gaze as if he were looking into my soul. He then wiped away my tears while stroking my cheek and said the only word he knew to say over and over in different tones as if it meant something different each time he said it, “Mommy… mommy… mommy… mommy.” He repeated the word until he soothed me back to calmness.  That is my sweet, intuitive child using his superpower from a very early age.

Someday, not so far from now, he will enter the business world and I suspect he will also score high on Humanistic/Encouraging and Affiliative.  At some point in his career, he will use his superpowers to lead a high-performing sales team because he will motivate them to achieve and sustain peak performance with his strong people skills.  I also suspect that letting go will not be his greatest strength either, and that’s okay, because, well, I’ve been there, and it can’t be everybody’s top strength. I also have a feeling accounting won’t be his cup of tea, but he’ll be able to manage a pipeline and work a client list like there is no tomorrow, not because he has to call the clients but because he genuinely cares about them, knows their businesses, and he believes in the solution he is selling.  That is why it is so important to find a career that allows you to use your strengths.

Enjoying time together

Anyone have a box of tissue handy?

For the same reason Zachary will love sales - it builds on his strengths - I love executive coaching - it builds on mine. Every day I have the privilege to work with people to help them build on their strengths so they can reach their potential.  It is a responsibility I do not take lightly. If you are looking for someone to work with you to develop your strengths, please reach out to talk about how we can partner.

In the meantime, if you are looking for me, I will be spending every minute I can with Zachary before he steps into his inspired future.  I will continue the process of trying to let go one day at a time, and I will also give myself a little grace knowing that letting go is not my superpower. I seriously suspect that when he is 40 and I am 70, I will still be calling him my baby boy.

Sending a virtual hug to all the parents of grads out there. I am here if anyone wants an empathetic ear.