Racing Toward the Inevitable
Josh (far right) and his besties preparing for prom.
In four short months Brad and I will be official Empty Nesters. Writing it here is tough enough; I cannot imagine what it will feel like to say it out loud. In the past three days, our younger son, Josh, has had two major milestones on his way to high school graduation: Senior Prom and Senior Thesis Defense. As he has gone through this, I have felt a mix of both pride and grief.
When I have gone to Hamilton, there is a song that moves me to tears every time: “Dear Theodosia” (I know everyone who is familiar with the show was thinking “It’s Quiet Uptown” a.k.a. “Unimaginable” which does bring tears to my eyes). In the song, there’s one stanza in particular that Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote that always moves me:
I'm dedicating every day to you
Domestic life was never quite my style
When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart
And I thought I was so smart
I used to wonder if how much I traveled for work and loved what I do was inhibiting him. After all, Josh is my precious Angel Baby-my son who had 4 surgeries before his first birthday; my son who should win the lottery for all the different challenges he has overcome (I blogged on a small portion of his story in this post).
When I was home from work trips, I would do my best to dedicate every minute to my boys and loving husband, Brad. At the same time, Brad and I made a very hard choice that he would stay home while I continued my job. It was an unusual choice for the time and for our community, but it felt right for us. And, my precious husband, Brad, made the summers magical by traveling up and down the East Coast visiting our family and being ever-present at school lunches and any class events, but his favorite, was reading books for the class with a different voice for every character.
When the pandemic hit, I was devastated like most by the friends and family we lost, but a part of me felt like I was given 2.5 years back as I was grounded from travel and declared an insane number of family nights from family-dance night to family-do-homework-by-the-fireplace night to family paint-by-number night. I drove the boys crazy, but I had the privilege to be there for every. single. minute., and I loved it.
Josh presenting and defending his Senior Thesis.
As I watched my son present his Senior Thesis this week on increasing the difficulty of obtaining and keeping driver’s licenses (with his ulterior motive of allowing an Autobahn in the United States to drive as fast as he wants), I did everything I could not to clap too loud and become too excited as he shared his expertise.
Being an empty nester will be hard for Brad and me, but as I think about “Dear Theodosia,” I am left reflecting on a second part of a stanza:
If we lay a strong enough foundation
We'll pass it on to you, we'll give the world to you
And you'll blow us all away
Josh, you blow us away. We will miss you as you step into the next phase of your transition to adulthood, but we will be here cheering you every step of the way. We are confident that:
